The Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee
by magic.is.out.there
Summary: this is a pretty random story about Ron getting a ginger goatee and gets unbelievable power, can Ginny, Harry and Kneebo Specly save the wizarding world from Ron's ginger wrath?  features hermione, ginny, harry and a very sinister gremlin. REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Heya before i get started i have to say that this is also written by my good frend (chek her page out!). Some chappies wil b written by me, some by her – it'll say at the bottom.**

**Anywwwho we wrote this as a laugh in history 1 day (wow were rebels ;) ) so hope you like it! Chapters will b short xx**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

Ron came strolling into the common room.

Hermione glanced up at him and immediately fell out of her chair in laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

Ron's ears went red. "What?"

"You've got," Laughter. "A ginger goatee!" She shrieked with laughter again.

Ron was looking defensive. "What's wrong with it? I like it!"

Hermione looked shocked.

"You LIKE it? I thought you did it for a joke! It looks RIDICULOUS!" And she was off again, tears straming down her face as she guffawed at him.

"It's not ridiculous." He crossed his arms defensively. "It's the new look!"

"_The new look? _I am NOT going to kiss you with that pygmy puff on your chin!"

"Well I guess we're not going to be kissing any time soon then because I am not going to shave it off!"

"Grrr..." Hermione went through the portrait in a huff, heading for the library.

Maybe she'll find a spell on how to jinx off her boyfriend's ridicolous ginger goatee.

**By .. **

**Hope you like it, heres a funny joke;**

**what do u get when you review on this story?**

**2 very happy grls who will smile at all their teachers for the rest of the week. :)**

**Well...dat wasnt funny but you get the point... nd anyway *hee hee* 2mozzys friday so we only hav to smile at them for 1 day! (phew!) :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Next chapter..YAY! **

**Oh ye i forgot last time! Sadly i do not own harry potter becoz im pretty sure jk rowling wouldn't be writing about rons goatee...**

**ANYWHO review please! xx **

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**CHAPTER 2**

"Seen Ron's goatee yet?" Ginny snickered.

"Yeah, I was thinking of growing one myself," Harry mused.

"WHAT?"

"Oh...ehhh I was joking!" Harry took out his to-do list and hastily scribbled out GET A COOL GOATEE LIKE RON'S which was right under DEFEAT VOLDEMORT. He wiped his brow, that was a close save.

Ginny kissed him on the lips. "Thank Merlin for that, or I'd have to jinx it off like Hermione's going to do Ron's!"

Ron overheard this. _Hermione was going to jinx his beloved goatee off? _

He rubbed his goatee, which he always did when he was thinking. After a moment, a devilish grin broke out acros his face. He had a plan.

Ron was asleep on the couch, with a hat on. Hermione grinned, this was the perfect time.

She lifted her wand, concentrated hard on the goatee and said, "Hairio Disapperio!" A pink spark went to Ron but bounced back and hit Hermione.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Hermione's scream woke Ron up.

"Whassamatter?" He asked groggily.

Hermione was holding her face. "I tried to jinx you but it hit me!" Hermione removed her hands so she could look in the mirror. Her eyebrows had completely disappeared.

This time it was Ron's turn to shriek with laughter.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" Hermione demanded.

He pointed to his hat, still chuckling. "I'm wearing one of Fred and George's protective hats!"

"Grrr..." Hermione stalked out of the common room once again, this time to Madam Pomfrey. She had doubled the power on the spell so his goatee wouldn't grow back any time soon, _so what if her __eyebrows didn't grow back?_

**by ..**

**Next chappie by , yaaaay! **

**looking forward to it?**

**Reader: its in your backpack!**

**Eeemmm, NO dats DORAS show..well i guess thats what you get when you talk to people you can't see...**

**ANYWHO review please :) **

**hope you all like it, it will probly be up in a couple of days xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**YAY third chappie! I've looked back on the last 2 and I've wrote by …. But I was trying to write me and hp gwaddict's pennames! But then hp gwaddict said it doesn't work if you put the dots in so now it will work **

**so anyway these 3 chappies and the next one are written by me but hp gwaddict will write the next one :D yaayaaayy!**

**CHAPTER 3**

Hermione was reading a book, looking very pissed off. But in Harry's opinion this just made her look even more hilarious as her eyebrows hadn't been able to be put back by Madam Pomfrey, who was currently rocking back and forward in her office like the failure she was.

Harry went over to Hermione and was about to sit down when –

"Stop!" Hermione threw an arm out. "You can't sit there."

"Why no-Ot?" Harry whined, his bottom lip sticking out.

"Only people that are eyebrow-less can sit here. Didn't you see the sign?" Harry looked down and there was a little laminated sign saying, E-L.P.O. – EYEBROW-LESS PEOPLE ONLY.

"Huh. But anyway you're the only one who hasn't got any eyebrows!"

"No there's Hairless Bobby too." She pointed over her shoulder and Harry looked over.

A completely bald bloke was sitting there and, sure enough, he had no eyebrows either. He was stroking a hairless cat.

"Huh," Harry repeated. "Can't believe I've never noticed him before…where'd he come from?"

"Switzerland." Hermione nodded wisely.

"Oh." Harry nodded back, as though that solved everything. "You should shave Crookshanks like that cat. It'd look dead cool! It would complete the image, you know?"

"What image?" Hermione asked testily.

"You know, the whole hairless look you've got going on."

"I didn't MEAN to make my eyebrows disappear you nincompoop!"

Harry chuckled. Hee hee, nincompoop…such a funny word…

**And that, my friends is what REALLY goes on in the chosen one's head ;)**

**Please review! More on the goatee next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: jk rowling is the brilliant owner of the harry potter books not me, like I said before I doubt VERY much that she wouldn't be writing about ron's goatee or how the word nincompoop is funny (even though it is) :D**

**ANYWHO hope you like this chapter!**

**CHAPTER 4 **

"What's everyone looking at?" Harry asked Ginny the next day.

"Ron," she sneered. "Apparently people actually LIKE his goatee! Can you imagine?"

"Yes," Harry said longily, rubbing his sadly hairless chin.

"Sorry what? Didn't catch that."

"Oh erm no…I cannot imagine anyone who would fall asleep crying because he didn't have a goatee, or trying to vanish his chin because it wasn't whole without a goatee or drawing pictures of himself with a goatee…" He hastily wiped a tear from his eye. "Nope, no one I know would do that."

"Eh, yeah ok…" Ginny looked at him strangely. "Well c'mon, let's go talk to him."

Among about thirty students, Harry was surprised Professor McGonnagal closest to Ron.

"Can I touch it?" She asked in a hushed voice, staring at his goatee.

"Sure."

"HAHA! Up YOUR'S Brown!" McGonnagal shouted at Lavender, who burst into tears.

"You can touch it too, Lavvy." Ron said kindly. She squealed and began stroking his ginger goatee along with McGonnagal.

"Oh, I want to touch it too!" shrieked Parvati.

"Me too!" shouted Seamus.

"Me three!" squealed Dean.

"All of you will be able to touch Gingy!" Ron announced.

"'_Gingy'?" _Hermione came up behind them. "He's named the thing now?"

Before Harry could answer, he felt something poking his knees.

He looked down, right into a pair of bright orange eyes.

"Er, who are you?" Harry asked confusedly.

"Kneebo Specly, sir. Your own personal gremlin!"

**DUNDUNDUN ladies and gentlmen, we have a GREMLIN! Wow who would have thought it?**

**so now we've got a goatee and a gremlin! Wooo G words are cool **

**like for example…ginger. Goatee. Gremlin. Goblet (of fire). Granger. **

**And, um that's all I can think of, if you have any more cool G words, review and I'll put them up next time!**

**And if you don't know any cool G words, than review anyway! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Emm, by me again **** im not sur if this chptrs funny or not…so I'd love if use culd tel me wot u tink :D wink, wink, hint, hint…**

**If u didn't get any of that, it was jus my (un-slytherinlike) sly way of getting u 2 REVIEW! :D :D**

**CHAPTER 5**

So there they were, Harry, Ginny and Kneebo Specly sitting in a circle on the floor of Harry's dormitory, daintily sipping tea and munching on gremlin-made cookies with pictures of Harry's face on them.

"These cookies are good, Kneebo!"

"I know," Kneebo agreed. "I've had eleven months to perfect them."

"Eleven months?" Harry rubbed his chin in confusion, thinking that the action would have been much cooler if he had a goatee there.

"Yes my loveliness. For eleven months I live in Scandanavia with my fellow gremlins but for one month each year I get to come and serve a needy master. And my loveliness, I chose YOOOOOUUUUUU!"

He jumped up and charged at Harry, throwing his cup of tea at Ginny's face and gave him a giant hug.

Harry jumped up too, but in anger. "I am not needy!" he tapped his foot on the ground, his bottom lip trembling.

"Yes, yes you are, as I need to protect you from something veeerryyy EVEL!"

"Voldemort?"

"Oh no, my loveliness. Something far FAR worse than Voldeemont -"

"Voldemort." Harry corrected him.

"Does it matter?"

"Well yes, actually, because if you jumble up the letters of 'I am Lord Voldemort' you get 'Tom Marvolio Riddle' which -"

_Crack!_

Kneebo slapped him hard across the knees, which was the highest part of Harry he could reach. "You can also get 'Lovor mamo, I tiddle'. But there's something worse than Lord Tiddle out there!"

"Worse than you-know-who?" Ginny echoed, her hand on her heart.

Kneebo nodded gravely, his bright orange eyes full of fear. "There's a legend we gremlin's tell and once every decade it comes true, releasing evil on everything around it."

"What's the legend?" Harry whispered.

"The Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee."

**:O :O DUNDDUNNDUN (again) **

**The chronicles are EVEL now?**

**Woah…I've just realized Kneebo talks in capitals A LOT.**

**Review please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm super super sorry that I havn't updated in like a WEEK! :O its just the computer broke and it only got fixed today so…**

**ITS MIDTERM! WOOOOOPPYYY :D so since I wont see hp gwaddict in a week, im gonna be writin the next few**

**Review if u LUV midterm! I'm sorry if this chapters not funny either but the story won't make sense without it!**

The silence was eerie as Ginny, Harry and Kneebo stared at each other over the flickering flames of a fire that had suddenly appeared there.

"BAHAHAHA!" Ginny broke the silence with laughter. "_The Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee? _Puh-lease!"

Kneebo looked outraged. He jumped up and started beating Ginny with Harry's firebolt, while Harry was conviently distracted with roasting marshmallows.

"Never," SMACK. "Laugh at," THUMP. "The Chronicles!" WHACKK.

"So what ARE the Chronicles?" Harry asked, happily licking his sticky fingers.

"Oh my loveliness, the Chronicles is the stories that tell us of the past monstrous beasts with the ginger goatee. The gremlin's come to protect those who are closest to the monster so they won't be put under the spell."

"So _Ron's _a monster?"

Kneebo nodded gravely. "Indeed so, he is the next in line. Fortunately he's only possessed the ginger goatee for a short time so he is not powerful yet."

"What will Ron be able to do?" Harry asked, his green eyes round behind his glasses.

"Oh, he could control the whole country, or even the world! Everyone who has seen it will become OBSESSED with it. Of course, there will be a few exceptions." Kneebo stared at Ginny. "And soon, he will be able to shoot fire out of it." Kneebo shuddered.

"Woah." Harry was amazed. _Damn,_ goatees are cool!

"So ho ca 'ee sto ih?" Ginny asked fearfully, her mouth full of blood.

"Geez, Ginny talk properly will ya?" Harry rolled his eyes at Kneebo that clearly said, _Girlfriends - what can you do with them?_

Ginny spat out blood and snot and repeated, "So how can we stop it?"

"AHHHH, only those who truly love the monster for who he is will be able to resort him to his normal state with a kiss. Unfortunately this is very rare, as honestly who would EVER love someone with a ginger goatee?"

"Good point."

"WAIT! Hermione loves him!" Ginny piped up.

"But she says she doesn't want to kiss him with the goatee on. Geez, Ginny – keep up." Harry scoffed.

"EVERYONE HATES ME!" Ginny screamed.

**So…I hope that made sense to use! **

**Please tell me what you think, coz I'm not sure about this chappy…**

**REVIEW! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Doodododod****oDOOOOOOO! The quest to destroy the ginger goatee is starting!**

**Follow, ginny, kneebo and harry on their sinister journey…**

"_Hello,_ Hermione!" Harry said suavely, waggling his eyebrows.

"Er, hi?" Hermione looked at him strangely.

"You know how you love petting the fluffy, ginger coat of Crookshanks?"

"Yes…"

"Well wouldn't be kissing Ron be just like that?" Harry asked persuasively.

Hermione burst out laughing. "You're comparing kissing Ron with stroking a cat? Yes, THAT is going to persuade me. Honestly, that's the worst one so far – at least Ginny bought me some chocolate. Even Kneebo tried to kiss me to make Ron look good!"

"All that and you STILL won't kiss him? C'mon Hermione, you know you wanna…"

Hermione snorted. "Puh-lease with that fluff on his chin I'd rather kiss Hairless Bobby."

Behind her Bobby looked up hopefully, his eyes shining. In a second he was beside her;

"Oh, how I've dreamed about this moment my beautiful, eyebrow-less, bushy-haired, nerdy, slightly annoying, mud-blood witch!" He leaned in his lips pursed when –

SMACK.

Hermione had slapped him across the face. He scampered off quickly, happily thinking that he had made progress.

"Why did you hit him? He was being so nice to you!"

But Hermione was already stomping out of the portrait hole, growling "Grrr."

Kneebo ran up to him. "Where has she gone? We need her!"

"Oh, err…it was all Ginny's fault!" Harry thought fast, not wanting to get in trouble.

"As I thought," Kneebo said darkly, starting to sharpen his knife.

"Whoa…what's that for?" Harry asked in alarm.

"Oh, ehh I'm just going to cut myself some cheese!" Kneebo looked shifty, his eyes going back and forth.

"Oh, ok. Could you cut me some parmesan?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Sure…"

**ooooOOOOooo kneeebo's looking a bit sinister there, isn't he?**

**Oh well, he's a gremlin, can't blame him ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**BOOOO HISSS BOOO U SUK MAGIC IS OUT THERE! **

**i no, i no! Im a disgrace for not updating! **

**Im sory...*breaks down crying* **

"Your dinner, Mr. Weasley." Professor Snape simpered, his eyes glassy.

"Pfftttaaa..." This was the sound of Ron spitting his dinner out.

"_Lobster? _I asked for cavier you imbecile!"

"I'm sorry, my Lord, I'M SORRY!" Snape fell to the ground, rocking to and fro, snot flying ever, living up to his name Snivellous.

Ron touched his stomach with his foot. _Poke. _Nothing. _Poke, poke._ Still Snape continued to cry. _Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, pooooooooooke..._

Meanwhile, on the other side of the common room, Harry, Ginny and Kneebo watched in horror as the Hogwarts population slowly turned into the slaves of Ron Weasley, or the Ginger Lord, as he was now called.

"I heard that McGonnagal is the goatee-brushing slave," Ginny said in a hushed voice.

"LUCKY!" Harry exclaimed, imagining himself brushing Ron's silky goatee...

Ginny gasped and turned to Kneebo. "Do you think Ron's turned Harry into his slave too?"

"Jeez, Ginny be quiet for once in your life will you?" Kneebo grumbled, glaring at her.

"Iv'e barely said anything!"

Kneebo snapped and charged at her, and covered her mouth with spellotape that had conviently been in his hand.

Harry looked at her. "Er, Gin? You've got a little something on your mouth."

Ginny stomped out of the common room and through her spellotape, she said something that sounded extremely like "Grrrr."

"Oh, phew she's gone! I've been waiting for like for_ever _for her to leave. Ok, now down to the plan." Kneebo took out his pipe and started puffing on it.

"Since Hermione won't kiss him, and forcing her will have no effect on the goatee, then we must resort to the ancient traditions."

"Shaving?" Harry asked.

"No my lovlieness, just no... What we need to do is apart of the ancient rituals of my kind. We must BURN Ron on the STAKE!" He puffed on his pipe excitedly.

"Any other plans?"

"Oh, ok..." Kneebo looked disappointed. "Well I guess we could always make him so jealous that _he _kisses _her._"

Harry frowned. "We don't need to make him jealous. Ron already loves Hermione, of course he'll kiss her."

Kneebo shook his head. "No, no...His pride was hurt and now he might grow to love his ginger goatee more than her."

"GASP. In the name of Merlins most phycadelic pants, we HAVE to do something!"

"Righteo, lets get to work."

**okkk telll me what you think!"**

**review please and thanku!**

**so im readin romeo nd juliet in class, nd EVRY1 like h8s Romeo! but me nd my frend r like de defendrs of him. So what do USE think of him?**

**I no this is random nd has NOTHING 2 do with gingr goatees but oh well...:D**

**until next time – adios! :D (im not spanish btw :P)**


	9. Chapter 9

**SMAAAAACKKKKK. Dont worry, i know u hav al probly wantd 2 hit me for my slow updatin but ive did it for u :) teehhee**

**now while u read this, ill go nd put an ice-pak on my arm.. :P**

"Psssssst over here! Pssssssssssssssssst." Harry was subtly trying to attract the attention of Cormac McLaggen. "Pst. Pst. Pst? Psssssssssssssssssssssssssst. YO, YOU THERE, THE CHAP IN THE BLACK ROBES!"

Everyone in the common room looked at him, as every single one of them was wearing black robes.

"Ahhhh, my choice of words weren't the _best_ were they?" Harry questioned.

"You there in the black robes, with blond hair!" Kneebo shouted.

Most of the common room looked away except for a few blondies.

"Now...how to narrow this down?" Kneebo wondered, tapping his chin with his long, gremlin finger.

"Hey, Cormac Mclaggen! Get over here!" Harry shouted.

Ginny put her head in her hands and muttered, "why didn't we just do that before..? What a waste of a half an hour..."

"What was that Ginny?" Kneebo asked her, his eyes glinting dangerously.

"Nothing..nothing!" Ginny spluttered. "Oh, hi Cormac!"

Cormac was looking a mess, with a black eye and a cut lip. "You called me?" Cormac looked at Harry.

"Yes, we need a favour.." Harry motioned him to sit down.

"Ahh, I knew this day would come, Harry Potter. You want me back on your Quiddich team." He smiled grandly.

"No, Cormac. You need to get over that ok?" Harry shook his head and leaned closer. "What we need you to do is to kiss Hermione."

His mouth fell open and he looked scared. He glanced over his shoulder and lowered his voice, "I..I can't. He already hates me..I can't anger the Ginger Lord any further."

"Did he do that to you?" Ginny motioned to his bruised and battered face.

"No, no..Ron's got people to do that for him. There called Goatee Eaters. The one's who did this to me were Flitwich and Trelawney."

Harry and Ginny felt sorry for him but Kneebo looked impatient. "Get over it, once you kiss Hermione, it will al be over!"

"No, I can't. Look at this." He took a poster out of hie pocket and showed it to them.

**ANYONE FOUND TWO METRES BESIDE HERMIONE GRANGER**

**WILL BE HELD PRISONER BY THE GOATEE EATERS.**

**Signed:Ron Wealsey, Ginger Lord.**

"Looks like someone's getting jealous already...This should be easier than we thought." Kneebo said gleefully.

"Ok...can i go now?" And without listening for an answer, Cormac ran away.

"COWARD!" Kneebo shook his fist after Cormac.

"Now, who are we going to get to kiss her?" Ginny asked.

"I have an idea..." A smile grew across Harry's face. "I know _just _the person."

**ooooohhh times are looking dark for this trio.**

**Heehee ive just had an idea! you've heard of the golden trio, ye? Wel harry, ginny nd Kneebo are going to be the ginger trio! hahahahah :D**

**REVIEW PLEEEEEASSSE!"**


	10. Chapter 10

**Super-dee-duperty sozzy for not updating! **** I hope this chapter makes up for it! (and if it doesn't then I hereby give you permission to kill me) ;)**

Harry and Ginny were eating in the Great Hall, beside Professor Dumbledore who had been banished from the high table, where Ron sat with his Goatee Eaters.

"Do you actually _know _what your doing Harry?" Ginny asked him worriedly.

"Of course! I have a plan up my sleeve." He smiled, than glanced down at his bare arm. "Well, eh I'm wearing a t-shirt so…I guess I can't _really _have a plan up my sleeve but you know I have a plan, in…in…my underwear?"

Dumbledore choked on his pumpkin juice, but Harry wasn't looking at him he was looking over his shoulder at a slouching, duck-footed young fellow.

A smile spread across his face. "Aha! My underwear plan will now be unfolding…"

This time Dumbledore choked on his chicken leg as all he heard Harry say had been 'My underwear…now…unfolding…" He stared at him in shock, not believing that the faith of the wizarding world was resting on a boy whose underwear was unfolding.

"Krum!" Harry motioned him over.

Viktor Krum sat down and asked, "So where eez Hermy-own?"

Harry beamed at him, "Right over there." He pointed down the Gryffindor table to where Hermione was reading alone, looking quite annoyed and lonely. "Make a show of yourself walking down there so Ron can see you, and then you kiss her!"

Krum got up noisily, squeaking his bench loudly along the stone floor. He walked, jumped, skipped and then fell over on the way over to Hermione ensuring everyone in the Hall was staring at him. Including Ron.

Ron's ears were red and the Ginger Eaters were looking at him, not knowing whether to act or not.

And then Ron stood up and began walking towards Krum, his face furious, his goatee actually on fire and giving off the aura of immense power.

Harry and Ginny watched this all eagerly, both knowing this was the moment when Ron would be overcome with his jealousy and kiss Hermione.

But out of know where, Kneebo came racing into the Hall and tackled Krum around the knees. Krum clumsily fell on the floor and wildly looked around as Kneebo dragged him off to the side of the Hall.

Harry and Ginny jumped up angrily and ran over to Kneebo. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? HE WAS GOING TO KISS HERMIONE!"

"I know, my loveliness, but Ron needs to keep his goatee powers a little bit longer!"

"_WHY?"_

"Because he needs them to fight him, without them he will die and Hogwarts will be in ruins! He is on his way," Kneebo gave a shuddering gasp and looked frightened for the first time Harry had known him. Ginny almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Who's coming?"

"Voldemort." And then Kneebo fainted clean away.

"What a great lot of help _he _is." Ginny said scathingly.

Behind them, they heard the Grand doors open and silence fall across the Hall.

They whipped around. Ron had stopped dead. The Goatee Eaters were suddenly standing behind him. Hermione had half-risen from her chair.

Everyone was staring at the open doors where a man with slits for eyes and a thin mouth was standing. Behind him, wizards in masks were holding up their wands.

**AHHHH CLIFF HANGER! ;)**

**So was that worth the wait? Please review! :D :D :D :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**The Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee is nearing the end (whos sad? I am **** )**

**What will happen? Will Ron defeat Voldy and become the ruler of the World or will Ron DIIIE? :O :O**

**Well you better read and find out won't you? :P**

Voldemort's fierce red eyes stared into Ron's wide blue ones'. His thin mouth curved into a sneer. Ron's mouth was nowhere to be seen under his ginger goatee.

"_Sooo _this is the Ginger Lord everyone is talking about?" Voldemort simpered, staring at Ron, clearly unimpressed.

"Yes," Ron said confidently, once more giving off an aura of power. "And you are…?" The Goatee Eaters smirked.

Voldemort's smirk was wiped off his face, and the place where his eyebrows should have been furrowed into his eyes. "HOW _DARE _YOU! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Harry and Ginny watched in awe as the legendary killing curse shot at him and the green flames wrapped around his goatee, Ron didn't so much as flinch.

"Wha -?"

"_The power the Dark Lord knows not…" _Dumbledore whispered, realization hitting him.

Harry whipped around to him, flashes of green light going off above his head as Voldemort shot killing curse after killing curse at Ron, which kept agiley wrapping around his goatee.

"But I'm the Chosen One!" Harry said in a slightly whiny voice.

"Maybe...maybe not…"

Harry crossed his arms, his chin quivering.

"AVADA KEDAVRA! CRUCIO! IMPERIO! AVADA -"

Ron laughed. "Do you only know Unforgivable Curses, Voldy?"

"Nevaa call me Voldy!" Voldemort was getting more and frustrated as Ron _refused _to be killed or tortured. "Why won't you di-ieeee?" He whined.

Ron laughed cruelly. "I'm the Ginger Lord. Ruler of the world, now leave me!" He flicked his arm and Voldemort flew across the room.

The Death Eaters roared and charged towards Ron. He disappeared and appeared behind his Goatee Eater's who he ordered coldly to fight.

And fight they did.

Slap.

_Slap._

Slap.

_Slap._

Slap.

_Slap._

McGonnagal and Bellatrix Lestrange bitch slapped each other, completely forgetting about how much more they could hurt each other if they used their _wands._

Flitwick slashed everyone's knees with a knife, as that was the highest he could reach.

Trelawney threw crystal balls which smashed on everyone's head.

Snape ran around, gleefully plonking cauldrons on the Death Eaters heads'.

And the rest were duelling to kill. The students in the Hall ran for cover as curses and glass and boulders flew over their heads.

Harry and Ginny turned to stare at Kneebo accusingly. "He's destroying Hogwarts anyway!"

Kneebo swung his arms and scuffed the floor awkwardly. "Yeah…well even goblins can make mistakes sometime…I guess power has gotten to Ron's head."

"Yes, and _what do you plan to do about it?"_

"Somebody could still kiss Hermione!"

"There's no one left in here that's not fighting!" Ginny shouted.

Kneebo looked wildly around the Hall and his eyes fell upon someone lying on the floor. A crazy grin spread across his face and he ran off to the other side of the Hall.

A second later he returned dragging the body of an unconscious Voldemort.

"Ewww _no way!"_ Ginny looked horrified.

"I dunno Gin, I mean both Voldmort and Hermione have got no eyebrows…maybe they'll bond…?" Harry said.

"Oh yeah, we have no eyebrows – let's get married!" Ginny commented sarcastically.

"Just trying to help," Harry held up his hands.

"Yeah shut-up Ginny," Kneebo snapped and threw water over Voldemort.

Voldemort gasped and woke up. "_Heyyy _you ruined my hair!" He threw a hand over his light-green, bald head.

"Yeah. Whatever we need you to kiss her," Harry pointed to Hermione who was standing by the wall, frozen with fear.

"And why would I do that?" Voldemort sneered.

"To defeat Ron and to win back the title of evil sorcerer of the world."

"Sold!" Voldemort said enthusiastically and shot up and pranced over where she was standing.

Ron, who had been watching the fight with satisfaction, saw Voldemort heading in the direction of Hermione. He went so red his goatee burst into flames once more.

Voldemort got to Hermione and leaned in.

Ron disappeared and appeared by their side.

But it was too late. Voldemort's lips were on Hermiones'.

**Eeewwww did that last bit give anyone mental images? :O **

**Ahhhhhhghhh so what did you think?**


	12. Chapter 12

**HAPPY CHRISTMAS! (if you don't celebrate chrimbo – im sorry!) **

**Now here's the FINAL chapter of the Chronicles of the Ginger Goatee **

**Before you read this, BEWARE! This chapter is extremely soppy ;)**

Time seemed to come to a standstill. The Goatee and Death Eaters stopped fighting to watch the horrific sight in front of them, except for a few people who still had cauldrons stuck on their heads'.

Kneebo was sitting on a chair and eating a bucket of popcorn, eagerly watching Ron.

And as for Harry and Ginny, well they were just trying not to throw up at the sight of Voldemort's tongue slithering around Hermione's mouth.

After Hermione had gotten over the shock, of _Voldemort _kissing her, she pushed him away in disgust and began to gag.

Pleased, Voldemort turned to Ron who had bypassed pink and began to turn redder and redder and redder…

POOOSHHH.

Ron had burst into flames and was screaming as though he was placed under the Cruciatus Curse.

Harry yelped and shouted, "Argumenti!" But his spell had no effect on the wild flames.

He turned to Dumbledore, "Help me!"

Dumbledore was watching the scene before him and said, "Love is the best magic here."

Harry growled in frustration. "That's what you always say! I bet you just say that when you can't think of a spell!"

"Bet you five galleons I'm right."

"You're on!" Harry and Dumbledore slapped their gold on the table.

Hermione's eyes widened as she watched Ron go up in flames. She finished off brushing her teeth (Voldemort's breath had smelt like tuna) and threw the toothbrush away.

"_RON!" _ She cried out fearfully, her eyes full of tears as she ran towards him.

Harry realized what she was doing a moment to late, "_NOOOOOO!"_

Hermione embraced the ball of flames that was Ron.

They forged together to make one fire. And from the flames, the colours of the rainbow shot out and danced in swirls along the Great Hall.

It was such a beautiful sight that McGonnagal, Flitwick, Snape, Hagrid, Dolohov, Macnair, Malfoy and Bellatrix formed a group hug and cried on each others' shoulders.

The dancing swirls of the rainbow repaired the broken tables of the Great Hall and healed those in pain and brought back the students who had all been hiding outside.

The students, the Goatee/Death Eaters, Kneebo, Harry, Ginny, Dumbledore and (sulkily) Voldemort held hands to form a giant circle, with the giant ball of fire in the middle.

The swirls of rainbow faded into a golden mist and it slowly circled down to the ground.

When the mist had reached the ground, the fire exploded, showering gold and silver sparks over everyone.

Harry wiped his eyes and when the glitter and mist had disappeared he saw the most wondrous sight.

Ron and Hermione were kissing intently, his hands running through her bushy hair and hers' cradling the back of his ginger head.

They broke apart, with radiant expressions on their faces, both beaming.

And then Harry realized something – he could see Ron's mouth! Meaning there was no goatee in the way!

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it is gone!" Kneebo sang in a surprisingly well-tuned voice and everyone clapped.

Ginny glanced at the Goatee Eater's. They were all frowning in bewilderment as to why they were wearing bright orange robes with a badge saying, **GOATEE EATERS** – **PROPERTY OF THE GINGER LORD**. And then it small print, HAND WASH – DELICATE MATERIAL.

"All right! Enough of this – Death Eater's - COMMENCE!" Voldemort sneered. The Death Eaters turned on the spot and reappeared behind the master, because they were too lazy to walk over to him.

"And now, back to my _own _WORLD DOMINATION! Mwa, mwa, mwa!" Voldemort laughed evily, and pointed at Harry. "I'll be seeing you around, ah-ite?"

And then they all disapperated, leaving the dazed Hermione to wonder why they were able to disapperate within the grounds of Hogwarts.

"Ah…" Dumbledore wiped a tear from his eye, while taking his winnings from the table. "Love does conquer all!"

**THE END.**

**OMG. I wasn't planning on having a moral to this story but there you go I did have one! **

**So...this is the end to the ginger goatee… waaaaaaawaawaawa…*sniff, sniff***

**DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME! I'm not cryin****g…ahh I am, I am!**

**So anyway here's some more funky G words! : (and this is not a distraction from the sadness of ending the story) ;)**

**ginny**

**gregorvitch**

**grindlwald**

**Gryffindor**

**And that was from Firelady Jennay! And now that I'm here, I'm gonna mention some other people 2…**

**Ok thanx 2 ooohh shiny (funky name, btw!) for reading and reviewing in one sitting! **

**Purple Pumpkin12 for being the FIRST reviwer! **

**GinnyWeasley23 for not being insulted by the way I was treating her name sake! ;) and her great idea!**

**Mclaughlin, Al-orange Ninja, Jazzie 123, crazy's wat I aim for, why not who cares, Len Bon for all the hilarious and brilliant reviews!**

**And finally…a very faithful reviewer that's been here from the start and helped in one of my jokes…Ignorance My Best Friend! Aka Amy! **** oh yeah sorry for not mentioning your name, the last chapter went all funky.. **

**hope I didn't forget anyone! And now after the longest a/n in history of a/n's I'm gonna say by from me, magic is out there!1**


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